LOL KITTIES London

kellster82:

fucking ellen

(Source: ellen-degeneresfan, via onceuponawildflower)

chromeofficial:

college application: worth 10 goats on howmanygoats.com

college: ur in

(via i-acknowledge-the-1950s)

netlfix:

when ur reading a book in class and u turn the page before everyone else and then u jsut sit watching all those dumb ass nerds turn their pages a whole second after u haha i am king

(Source: netlfix, via isawflowersinyourhair)

earthquakesmakingwaves:

shesavulgarwoman:

This is so uncomfortable. 

(Source: iraffiruse, via slutletic)

monobeartheater:

wowwoohoo:

So I can’t do my math homework cause my duck fell asleep on my calculator..

send this picture to your teacher they will understand

monobeartheater:

wowwoohoo:

So I can’t do my math homework cause my duck fell asleep on my calculator..

send this picture to your teacher they will understand

(via broadway-b-a-b-y)

drunktrophywife:

One of the sprouse twins has an Instagram dedicated to taking pictures of people who take pictures of him and it’s amazing

(Source: drunktrophywife, via elenayogini)

guy:

yeah baby i am an ANIMAL in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day

(Source: guy, via broadway-b-a-b-y)

(Source: seinfeldia, via eluting)

xdroox:

toinfinityandbeyonce:

me on my way to steal your man

"In case of an emergency this airplane is designed with 8 exits located around you."

xdroox:

toinfinityandbeyonce:

me on my way to steal your man

"In case of an emergency this airplane is designed with 8 exits located around you."

(Source: carlosbaila, via ectoderm)

(Source: ayycoseph, via covertheskies)

mrs-mojo-risin-blues:

tomatogami:

im sorry but i only listen to real music

image

Only B.C. kids remember this

(via maurahatsandcoffee)

hipster-trichster:


2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

(via capri-sunburns)

trapdad420:

3 tamagotchi’s

trapdad420:

3 tamagotchi’s

(via covertheskies)

letsbangniall:

Me everyday: “dad don’t say that it’s offensive”

(Source: lizhemmingsofficial, via capri-sunburns)


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